Afterwork Hash

HASH TRASH No. 58 (we're going with our arbitrary numbering system)
Daily Newd and Narcoleptic Noodle put together this memorable
hash through the North Main neighborhood that included a stop at a
legendary Greenville bar, an auxilliary Hare, finding some guy smoking
weed in a field and a prolonged naming.
The usual band of idiots met at the Other Side, a venerable bar
on North Main Street known for its vintage Stroh's signs, cold beer
and pictures of old Greenville. The owner even bought a hash shirt.
A half-hour late per tradition, it became obvious that one of the
Hares wasn't there. After searching several bottles of beer and the
bathroom, Noodle called into say he was still in transit from Atlanta.
Peggy Pullinasti was pulled in from the bullpen to serve as
auxiliary hare. Daily Newd told his usual lies about the route, while
Pullinasti stood there agreeing with no real clue where they were
going.
When the annoying talk was complete, Strokes Twice Daily blessed
the Hares with holy fermented-hops water. The pack apparently believed
Newd's lies about being injured in a bike crash as they gave them a
real 10-minute head start (it's usually more like five) before
leaving.
The trail headed up a hill and quickly got into some serious
shiggy. The pack of about a dozen hounds crashed head first into the
shiggy without really thinking that they could follow the trail by
circumventing the woods.
After thrashing around for about 15 minutes, the pack emerged
battered, bleeding and bruised in front of Stone Elementary. One part
of the group went up a steep hill that turned out to be a false trail,
while the rest went through a playground built by the Lowe's Corp.
that was the true trail, but was so nasty they wished it was a false
trail.
Despite the autumn sky gloaming into the twilight, the pack
somehow separated into two or three groups with one following some
imaginary trail into someone's house. Meanwhile Newd, Pullinasti,
beer truck driver NFHN John, and a just arrived Noodle were sitting at
the beer stop drinking heavily and wondering where the pack was. After
30 minutes, the first few hounds rolled in. Then a few more. After 40
minutes, there were still hounds missing and a search party was sent
out to find them and lead them to the sacred beer stop.
The stragglers got there just as Newd and Noodle (aren't they
characters on SpongeBob?) left for the second leg of the trail.
Because it was late, Newd said the trail was being changed on the fly
and there would just be an on-in.
After about six minutes, the hounds took off after them. While
the Hares thought they were smart by making false trails and the like,
they were betrayed by various members of the local gentry who aided
the pack. How did they do that? By shouting things such as:
"Hey, you looking for the two loopy looking white guys who came
by? They went that way."
"What the fuck are you people doing?"
"Hey, it must be the money."
"Five dollars and I love you long time." (7 seconds left the
pack, but came back when the woman wouldn't accept his roll of
quarters)
After passing a man smoking a joint next to the methadone clinic,
the Hares went down Randall Street where the pack eventually spotted
them. Knowing they were going to be caught, the aborted the mission
and ran back to the Other Side only saving themselves by putting a
boob check in the
middle of North Main.
The beer truck soon arrived and the circle was formed, and the
Hares were saluted for their sorry trail-making, and then they were
honored with celebratory down-downs.
Next a virgin -- Ju -- was introduced, mocked, asked stupid
questions and honored with celebratory down-downs. And then there a
naming. NFHN Natalie, who has done about a dozen
hashes without getting named was brought into the circle for
interrogation -- I mean questioning.
However, George Bush and John Ashcroft would have been proud
because Air Force Cap. Natalie divulged little more than her name,
rank and favorite sexual position, which by the way is driving (for
more information on driving call your local library.)
Tired by Nat's evasiveness, the pack dismissed her and decided to
come up with a really bad name for her. Some of the suggestions
included Stinky Snatch, Anal Excitement, Anal Driver, Butt Sex and
Captain Snatch. The group finally decided on Butt Sex because we just
liked how it sounded.