Super Secret Hash

Hash No. 65

Hares: None

Harriers: Daily Newd, Narcoleptic Noodle, Pole Dancer, Seven Seconds,
Piss Tumble, Titty Gang Bang, Open Leg Rock Her, Just Richard and Just
Amy

Oh, what a hash this one turned out to be, but somehow a mix of no
true hares and a lot of canned goods made for a good event.

A highly speculative hash from the beginning as hares kept
disappearing in the days leading to the event, mismanagement decided
to hold a pick-up hash as opposed to a regular event.

A pick-up simply brings the pack to a spot, they draw lots, and the
loser..er winner…becomes the hare. The hare then switches after each
beer stop. Confused?

Well, nine people showed for the Super Secret Hash that started at
parking lot next to Rocks and Ropes in the West End. After milling
about for 30 minutes, it was decided to start the show. Seven Seconds
drew the first leg.

Knowing that he was making up where he was going on the fly, the pack
gave him a good 10-minute head starts before leaving. The pack
followed the trail down some railroad tracks near the new baseball
stadium and across Academy Street, but not before stopping for some
hash trash on the side of the road. Namely, they found government-
issued cans of vegetables.

Armed with supplies, the pack followed the trail through Falls Park,
up to Main Street and past the Peace Center where Seven Seconds laid a
trap. Hundreds of little children (possibly Seven Seconds’ demon
spawn) flooded the streets and covered the trail with their damnable
feet.

The trail was found and led off into some side streets, back to Main
and into Sharkey’s for stop number one.

After hanging out a few minutes and debating whether to run some more,
Pole Dancer took the lead for the second leg. He got out of his chair
and walked across the street into Mast General.

Pole Dancer told two clerks to tell the pack he went out the back
door, and then began laying trail. Meanwhile, the pack gave an
unusually long lead time because their server at Sharkey’s couldn’t
figure out their bill.

They eventually left the bar and entered Mast General where the clerks
mocked them for being so late. The pack followed a trail away from
downtown going through parking lots and yards before going through a
church yard.

They battled boob checks and some false trails before making a curve
back into downtown. Meanwhile, Pole Dancer was sitting in Barley’s
wondering where the hell the pack had vanished too.

He got tired of waiting and went to take a leak. The pack arrived at
that time. And there was much rejoicing. Daily Newd made an offering
of canned corn and potatoes to the Barley’s staff who promptly placed
the foodstuffs above the bar.

Piss Tumble and TTGB volunteered for the third leg and left.

After a 10-minute head start, the pack followed the trail down an
alley and into Bergamo Plaza where it promptly got lost. The trail was
refound and twisted and turned into the Downtown Hyatt and toward
Spring Street. Somewhere along the way Daily Newd found a three-pound
can of green beans and a bag of black-eyed peas.

The pack did well here, but got lost again when the reach Court Street
Square. No one was sure if the marks were new or left over from Seven
Seconds.

After some confusion, the pack went to TTGB’s and asked her landlord
if she had been by. He said no and the pack stood there for a few
minutes scratching themselves and passersby when Piss Tumble drove up
to say they were at the Mellow Mushroom.

The pack headed there and the on-in/after party occurred.

Valentines Day Red Dress Hash

Hash Trash No. 64

Hares: Seven Seconds and Open Leg Rock Her

Harriers: Daily Newd, Rug Doctor, Pole Dancer, Titty Titty Gang Bang,
No Cocky Bukakke, TMI, Prom Queen, Chair Banger, NFHN Jarret, NFHN
Mahalia, Just Reed, Just Andrew, Just Dave,

The Upstate Hash House Harriers pulled on some red dresses on a sunny
Greenville afternoon to hold one of hashings most sacred events.

Seven Seconds and Open Leg Rock Her cajoled a larger than normal group
of hashers to the top of Richardson Street Parking Garage to start the
ordeal. Leaving a half hour later per tradition, they made their way
down Richardson Street and were out of sight.

The pack eventually went to look for the hares, and quickly got lost.
I mean real lost. A pack has never been confused like this one. While
the true ran in a sorta straight line down Richardson Street the pack
went left into a church, then right into a parking garage, then turned
around to go back the way they came.

Eventually someone found the true trail into another church parking
lot, but again the pack got lost. After more searching, cursing and
general anger, they found the trail that led through a Bi-Lo parking
lot and into McPherson Park.

Confused as anything by this time, the pack wandered through the park
until someone noticed some powder on a drainage ditch. Seven Seconds
and Open Leg Rock Her had found a sewage tunnel underneath Academy (a
first for subterranean hashing/beer stoppage) for beer stop No. 1.

After much bitching about the trail and drinking, the hares left
again. The pack left soon afterward, and per tradition again got lost
trying to find the trail. Thankfully, someone hopped a fence into a
cemetery and found the trail. Unthankfully, there was a funeral in
progress.

The trail led from the cemetery through the Bi-Lo Center parking lot,
across East North Street and into a parking garage on West Washington
Street for the second beer stop.

The hares split at this time so OLR could drive a car to the next beer
stop, and Seven Seconds started the trail by cutting through some
under-demolition apartments (still going with the homeless abode
theme). The pack hobbled out a little later and soon followed a trail
through some major shaggy (including treacherous downhill sections),
and then toward the West End. After some nice directional changes, the
pack crossed the Liberty Bridge (ruining many a family photo
opportunity) and into the West End where they found the hares behind
the infamous Chicora Alley…a bar that is now on the banned list due to
Daily Newd’s antics at the previous O-limpik Mile.

Post Traumatic Stress spread through the pack as visions were relived
of the beer mile, which took place right at this beer stop. To sooth
nerves, and arouse others, OLR semi-successfully demonstrated her Hula-
Hoop form with a HH that was found on trail. After a quick stop, the
hares took off one last time for the final leg. Down Academy, Up McBee
and a wandering jog along Main Street found bystanders cheering, “Yall
are hashers aren’t Yaw?” Up the elevator to floor No. 7 the pack
finally found the hares with a circle prepared and beers and wine to
drink. It wouldn’t have been a hash without a couple crimes, a couple
“If one hare drinks . . all hares drink” and of course the obligatory
Red Dress Fashion show who I believe was won by the Gay Nome – TMI.