Hares: Daily Newd and Lady Long Legs
Beer Truck driver: (3) BustHer Hymen
Harriers (25): NFHN Kristy H.; NFHN Lynn; Moose Knuckle MD; NFHN Adam;
NFHN Reed; NFHN Kathy W.; Just Ashlee; No Cocky Bukkake; Just
Karolina; NFHN Scott; NFHN Dave (now Cock Doc); NFHN Sarah; Rug
Doctor; Just Rick; Just Gary; NFHN Richard; Prom Queen; NFHN Alison;
Semper Felonious; Seven Seconds; Chair Banger; Narcoleptic Noodle;
NFHN Matt; Pole Dancer; Open Leg Rock Her (now Butt Sex Is Available).
A large pack of screw-ups and illegal immigrants seeking asylum met
behind a decrepit white building off of Main Street to start the Daily
Newd (Surprise) Birthday Hash on an unusually hot winter Sunday
afternoon.
Daily Newd didn’t know it was his birthday, didn’t know he was
attending a hash, didn’t even know he was in Greenville, but luckily
Lady Long Legs was able to set him straight long enough to get his
presents, which was about 10 cases of mismatched beer. He was so
thankful – especially for the quilt hat he was gifted with and ordered
to wear -- he and Lady Long Legs went running up Broad Street dropping
flour along the way.
The pack sat around drinking Daily Newd’s presents for a while before
someone realized a hash may be going and soon started following the
trail that had a lot of flour spilled everywhere. It only took a few
blocks for them to realize it was big-time false trail.
The pack swung around and soon found a very shiggy trail that ran
parallel to Broad Street and along an old railroad line.
The hares eventually were discovered drinking fermented hops near
Cleveland Park. The harriers bitched about the length of the trail and
the heat, but forgave the hares long enough to drink the amber nectar.
The second leg of the hash was again shiggy as all get out, as the
trail followed a stream bed out of the park and toward I-385. After
some confusion about the true trail, the pack crossed under 385, and
made a sharp left by the County Jail. A serious false trail led some
hashers up a steep hill before the true trail. One hasher, NFHN Adam,
got lost around here. Later reports said there were chants of “fresh
meat, fresh meat” coming from the jail, but Adam went back to his car.
The trail ended at an upscale house on Church Street. Was the UH3
inside? Of course not, we sat and drank in the parking lot while well-
dressed “civilized” folks meandered out of the house, pressing nickels
and quarters into our willing hands, thinking we were either homeless,
or low-rent valets.
The third leg soon started, and this would become one of the ugliest
trails in UH3 history. The trail went down a steep embankment where
many hashers rolled/skidded/ slid down into McPherson Park. The trail
twisted and turned before crossing six lanes of traffic.
The pack got separated around here. Half of the pack went into the
cemetery while the rest followed the true trail toward downtown. After
some confusion, the lost pack dragged its way to downtown and toward
the on-in. However, they got stopped cold coming out of a parking
garage. They thought they saw an arrow pointing backward and went
looking behind them. They soon realized it was actually just a regular
chalk mark.
They soon found the final beer stop in a parking garage. After some
grousing, a Circle was formed. However, it was formed in the middle of
traffic so it had to be moved.
Narcoleptic Noodle was introduced as the GM in waiting. The hares were
lambasted for their shitty trails. Virgins Ashlee, Alison, Gary, Rick
and Karolina (actually, No Cocky Bukkake ably subbed in for the
decidedly distraught Karolina who thought the circle was some sort of
bizarre part of the immigration process reserved for the Poland-born)
were serenaded for their newness. People did down-downs for various
crimes such as using the r-word. And Open Leg Rock Her made a terrible
faux pas. More on that in a minute.
NFHN Dave decided to take the plunge and get named. He has been with
us since September and did some famed hashes such as the Green Dress,
the Red Dress and um…he likes wearing dresses doesn’t he?
A urologist by trade, Dave came from West Palm Beach, went to
Vanderbilt and University of South Florida for college, lives in
Anderson, and spent 13 years in Catholic Schools where his favorite
nun was Sister Andrew Irene. He waxed poetically on Andrew Irene’s
sweet smelling perfumes, lovely smile, high heels and pert ears, but
said he didn’t have a crush or anything. No. Huh-uh.
Names ranged from the ubiquitous Butt Sex to Nun Better to Cum On
Irene to Cock Doc to Doctor Cock before Cock Doc won out on the closet
of votes.
However, Open Leg Rock Her got nailed during this naming process as
well for stating “Butt Sex is always available.” She was almost
immediately renamed “Butt Sex Is Available” for her efforts and
stupidity.
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