Hares: Lady Long Legs, NFHN Tanya (Open Leg Rock Her) and Just Hillary
(Once Bitten, Twice Shy)
Harriers: Daily Newd, Bust Her Hymen, Narcoleptic Noodle, TMI, Rug
Doctor, Pole Dancer, NFHN Jason, NFHN Jarret, NFHN Jason C., Just
Warren, Just Sarah, Just Amber, Just Mahalia, Just Renee, Just Carol,
Just Bubba, Just Ritchey
For reasons known only to the hares, the UHHH decided to live up
its name as Upstate and venture in Spartanburg for a late January
Hash.
Harriers were asked to wear something with an NFL logo on it.
Somehow only one real team was represented, the Pittsburgh Steelers
and other people wore shirts with Panthers, Lions, Bears Redskins, Ron
Mexico, Atlanta Braves, Sports Illustrated, Ohio State and Beat
Michigan on them.
Despite that poor showing of apparel, the hash started a half-hour
late. Lady Long Leg made up some crap about the hash marks, which
included a "football mark." Upon finding the crude football looking
thing, hares were told to hand off a rather worn football (see Hash
Trash no. 63) until all the hares got through.
The hares then departed while the harriers feasted on Old
Milwaukee and Pabst Blue Ribbon to their hearts content and gave the
hares a 10-minute head start. The pack started on a main road, and
quickly took a left and went really, really, really far.
And then the pack turned right. And it went really, really, really
far.
And then it went right again. And went really, really, really far
until we got to the beer stop. Along the way, the hares had left about
a dozen boob checks and football marks, which really slow the pack
down when they're running really, really far.
The hares left again clandestinely and the pack slowly walked a
nice forest trail to see where they went. There was fear they had
crossed a polluted looking stream, but no the hares just went really,
really, really far and turned left.
The trail led up a main road to a large intersection where the
pack couldn't seem to find the trail. Some of the harriers decided the
trail was too far and followed a false trail through some shiggy and
to the on-in.
The rest of the pack followed a long loop before finding the on-in
at Just Jason's house, who quickly tried to sell harriers a large
collection of late-model Buicks, and the house itself.
Since there was no beer, people sat around and groused about the
hares and waited for the beer to arrive and form circle. Daily Newd
consecrated the circle and soon down-downs began.
The hares were given poor grades for their trail, several hashers
were forced to drink for wearing hats in the circle, the virgins
( Just Warren, Just Carol, Just Bubba, Just Renee, Just Sarah, Just
Amber and Just Mahalia) drank, TMI drank for spilling beer, and
Narcoleptic Noodle for being the FRB.
And then we had two namings.
NFHN Tanya went first. A native of Omaha (that's in Nebraska) who
first had sex in Clearwater, and teaches a Clemson Leisure Studies
class on pilates, gave a lot of great information and stories, which
was a truly bad idea on her part, but helped the naming committee
greatly.
She revealed that she has the longest name on earth and it
includes three or four first names, a few last names picked up in
various failed marriages and one name she found in a sale bin at Wal-
Mart. She told an amusing tale about falling into a Koi pond during a
party, which led to an impromptu wet T-shirt party for herself and
also told about her long career playing piano and singing. She also
added her favorite pilates position was the open leg rocker, which she
refused to demonstrate. Names suggested included Open Leg Party, Open
Leg Wet Party, Open Leg Tickler, Butt Sex, She's a Mouthful, but
finally we chose the somewhat kind Open Leg Rock her.
Just Hilary was a little bit different story. Oh, she gave some
great stories about falling, tripping, colliding, smashing and
dropping almost everything known to man. She talked about "not doing
anything" during a stint in a Tennessee college. A propensity to gab,
she talked about drinking and brushes with the law. The pack thought
we had enough to name her until TMI brought up a story from Hilary's
past involving a wayward spider, a bathing suit, and openings in
people's body parts.
This led to a small list of names including Dazed and Confused,
G.D., will you shut up, but a quick consensus came to "Once Bitten,
Twice Shy."
This led to a minor debate of what ’80s rock band sang that song.
Motley Crue, Def Lepperd, White Tiger and Great White were all
mentioned as possibles. Go to the "Inter Web" site
www.cnn.com/2003/US/Northeast/02/21/deadly.nightclub.fire/ for more
information.
The circle was broken and in UHHH tradition, the pack went to a
Mexican restaurant for the after party. The restaurant owner
apologized to the pack saying that since it was Sunday he didn't serve
beer. The pack sighed and turned to go away when the owner replied, "I
do serve tequila," and there was much rejoicing, jubilation and
drinking of copious amounts of margaritas.
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